In Celebration of the Extraordinary Life
of
Donald Everett Dodge
who blessed this world with his presence
from his birth on September 6, 1940 in Pasadena, California
until his passing on January 30, 2026 in San Francisco
with his husband of 48 years, Jerome Singer, at his side.
Here below is the program which Jerry and I (Don’s sister, Dianne) created for Don’s Celebration on May 31, 2026. It was a wonderful afternoon which took place in their beautiful Victorian Home in the Castro. In attendance were over 80 dear friends and family, including several VA nurses and the volunteer – CJ Reeves – who organised the VA’s moving memorial for Don.
Eric, Tanya and Jef enchanted us with their heartbreaking performances.
If the room was full of hugs and laughter during our sharing of Don stories, these performances brought many of us to tears.
Whether you were with us or couldn’t be you can hear these magical pieces again on most any streaming venue.
Eric’s remembrance of Don was especially moving. Don, forever learning and growing was still studying with Eric in his late 70’s before he became too ill to continue. Eric described Don as one of the most rigorous and committed student’s he’d ever worked with.
Our nieces Michelle, Krissy and Suzanne provided the beautiful floral arrangements that graced Don and Jerry’s home.
Here are but three of their many stunning creations.
Our dear friend Obie shared his extraordinary aesthetic talents as well as herculean strength in helping to stage Don and Jerry’s home
– most notably the magnificent placement of Don’s bike and Olympic medals in the entrance hall.
And Jerry displayed many of his heartfelt mementos from his life with Don throughout their home and on the mantel and piano –
notably the American flag which draped Don’s body and was presented to Jerry during the VA’s splendid memorial for him.
I especially love Jerry’s find of the charming Eiffel Tower so splendidly expressing their shared love of France.
And in the center of the mantel our cousin Richie’s magnificent vase where Don’s ashes now rest with our Mother Bernice’s.
Throughout the celebration I carried a small purse with lipstick, tissues and my camera with the intension of capturing
as many moments of the afternoon as I could, but I was so deeply touched by everyone I spoke with that the while the tissues
regularly emerged – the thought of pulling out my camera never even crossed my mind.
So what transpired on Don’s Celebratory afternoon is documented only in the hearts of all the lovely souls who were there.
But what we can share are the many photos Jerry and I chose for the slide show
which highlighted so many precious moments of Don’s life.
Here is a mimi teaser of that show for any of you who were unable to attend.
And below are all of the photos that were in the show plus many more that weren’t –
each one telling (with my biased commentary : ) but a part of the story that is
Don’s Extraordinary Life – biased because it’s his life through my eyes.
These gorgeous first images of Don’s early life need no explanation other than to notice the kind-hearted warmth
and depth of intelligence already so apparent in Don’s earliest gazes.
Here he is with his mother Bernice Aloha Leonard Dodge Ferrari born in San Diego in 1922
and his baby brother Richard Anthony Dodge born in 1942.
As was the case in so many families, WWII took Don’s father into the military and Bernice to Berkeley where she found work in the war industry. And soon after – having married so young – Don’s parents separated and divorced. During those years Don and Dick lived in foster care but were visited regularly by their proud mother who clearly had an exceptional talent for capturing in photos her adorable sons. Don’s recalled liking very much the foster families he and Dick lived with.
Then in 1944 Bernice met my father, Larry Ferrari. They married in 1945 and I was born in Salinas in 1947.
But irresistible Donnie and Dickie had been welcomed into LG’s large extended Italian and Portuguese family long before he and Mom married. And our long-reigning family matriarch Grandma Alice (below right) and kind-hearted Aunt Lucille doted over them and figured prominently in all of our lives for as long as they graced this earth.
Here below are Don and Dick’s first day of school in Berkeley and a few years later as boy scouts and wannabe cowboys
in rural Watsonville where we lived from 1948 to 1951. They both loved the open fields and forest to play in
and practice their scouting skills, but it was also here that Don – at just 8 years of age – found a piano teacher
on his own and used his weekly 50 cent allowance to pay for his lessons.
After a rocky start to Bernice and Larry’s marriage our Mom had the good sense to get us all out of Watsonville
and bring us all back to Berkeley where we each thrived despite the continued rockiness of the marriage.
Just how we survived will be elaborated upon in The Berkeley Years of Our Family Stories,
but suffice it to say that Don spent many of them hidden away in his bedroom taking apart and reassembling radios.
We were Mom’s 3-D’s when she was in a good mood and her “Rotten Kids!” when she wasn’t.
When Don and Dick were in high school their paternal Grandmother Iva Ballard Dodge Pennoyer tracked down her
grandsons and came to visit with their Aunt Janice. This meeting paved the way to their meeting
their father Don Senior pictured on the right with his mother Iva.
Don Senior would enable Don and Dick’s university educations at a time when our father – struggling with a new business – could not have done. This was a tremendous boon for two young men whose innate talent and strong wills would have earned them tremendous success no matter what. But being a USC graduate was an undeniable leg up for Dick’s future business success. And in addition to Don’s two degrees from UC Berkeley in electrical engineering, Don Senior upgraded Don’s humble upright piano with a much deserved baby grand.
During Don’s early university years he also served in the naval reserve. Stationed at Whidbey Island in Washington State
he was responsible for readying planes for take offs and landings on aircraft carriers. For the rest of his life he would never stopped reminiscing about the thrills he experienced being on board for over 70 flights – all before he was twenty.
He especially loved to tell the story of one returning plane missing the hook and only barely escaping a watery crash!
The following collages were produced several years ago when I was more interested in aesthetic
design than chronological accuracy, so please enjoy them as such.
Obie and I had great fun figuring out how to hang them from the mantel under Jerry’s mementos.
This collage below follows Don from toddlerhood through his teen years, with his scouting buddies,
his Naval Service portrait, and a fun swim with high school girlfriend Pat and me.
It also highlights and our 1965 graduation celebrations –
Don from the University of California, and me from Berkeley High,
The last line of photos above deserves special note for as tiny as they are they show all of us on the day of Don’s graduation from UC Berkeley.
Mom, Dad and I, Grandma Alice and Cousin Tom Botelho were joined by Don and Dick’s sister Barbara (pictured below in a pale blue suit).
their father Don, his wife Hazel (far right) and their grandmother Iva – who’d brought us all together but a few years before.
It was a special delight to have Barbara’s granddaughters, Lizzy and Catherine, present at Don’s Celebrations as well as our cousin, Tom.
The collage below captures some of my favorite photos of adult Don taken over several years:
his professional position at the University of Hawaii, celebrating his 45th birthday
and posing elegantly – as only he could – especially in front of his beloved piano.
And here he is with Jerry not long after their meeting in Provincetown, Massachusetts in the Fall of 1977,
and then shortly after Jerry’s move to San Francisco from NYC to live with Don.
Don couldn’t have found a more perfect life partner in Jerry – an enormously gifted creative talent,
whose wit and natural gregariousness so perfectly complemented Don’s often hermit-like workaholic ways.
Don had never brought his boyfriends to meet the family but he must have known not only that Jerry was a keeper,
but that our family would love him. And he was right.
And over their nearly 50 years together they cared for three beloved feline companions – Toby, Wysi and Bodie – all of whom were equally adored by their “Grandma” Bernice.
The collage below displays Don’s culinary talents – both at home with Jerry and for Christmas festivities at Dick’s.
And below are both individual photos and collages capturing Don & Jerry among friends and family at
weddings, birthdays and a variety of other family get-togethers.
Don’s career as a hardware and software designer took him first to Hawaii,
giving Mom and Grandma Alice an excellent excuse to travel there.
Later on a visit home he enjoyed what looks to be a Dodge February Birthday Party,
most certainly celebrated at Mom’s since that’s her table.
Don’s Extraordinary Calling – so much more than a career.
Fundamental to the development of Don’s career was his mentor Jesse Quatze, who masterminded so many of the revolutionary computer designs in which Don participated and later co-developed. Below on the left is the mother drive for the first US electronic postage co-invented by Jesse and Don and presented at Congress where it was awarded US Patent 4,484,307. And the photo on the right may be related to their work on Telemecanique’s historic SOLAR 16 microcomputer project. Techno-phobic Jerry and I had only at best a cursory awareness of all that Don accomplished. And because Don rarely talked about his accomplishments, we can now only guess. But a deep revealed the following: “Donald Dodge was deeply involved in engineering the foundational communication frameworks that allowed factory machines to talk to each other rapidly and securely without data corruption.” And “Dodge and Quatze were granted US Patent 4,683,530 in 1987 for a highly secure, fault-tolerant Serial Information Transfer Protocol.”
Here is Don many with one of his
long-time business partners, Matt Maguire,
and his wife Laree – celebrating
Don and Jerry’s 30th anniversary
in their San Francisco home.
It was a delight for me to meet both of them
at Don’s Celebration. Matt gave a wonderful heartfelt speech about the many years and
many projects he and Don worked on
together with their mentor, Jesse.
And I had the pleasure of talking with Laree
who told me – as did so many – that she felt
Don’s presence throughout the afternoon.
She also delighted in telling me about
the fun she had meeting our Mom,
Bernice, so many years before.
FRANCE – Don and Jerry’s second home.
Don and Jerry’s years in Europe were truly magical, whether skiing in the wintry Alps
or touring in their prized Mercedes visiting historic sites.
But most cherished for them were the dear friends they made and kept along the way. Below are but a few.
Don and Jerry’s year in Nice
(1986-87) brought them these
life-long friendships.
Martine pictured left and right
and Annie (left) were Don’s invaluable secretaries.
Don and Jerry visited them countless times over the following years and Martine visited them
in San Francisco before her
heartbreaking untimely passing.
Pictured lower left is Don
many years later with Annie,
her sister, Sylvie, and their husbands Jose and Sylvan.
And pictured lower right
are Paul and Bernard –
dear friends going back to
Don’s year in Paris in the early 70’s when he worked there
on the Metro Turnstile.
This gracious couple are still together, having been so
for well over 50 years.
And like Annie, Jose, Sylvie and Syvan, Paul and Bernard
became a fixture in Don and Jerry’s yearly post retirement pilgrimages to France.
I had the great fun of meeting Annie, Sylvie and their husbands when Don and Jerry joined them on a road trip through
Spain and Portugal.
Here is Don on the left in the beautiful city of Porto over looking the Douro River, where I lived for several years before moving to the Algarve. My sister in law Madalena met them for lunch and a tour of the city before they visited a port wine cave, arranged by their good friend and port wine agent, Peter Scott. And here on the right are the consequences of the cave’s generous hospitality so apparent in Don’s delicious smile. I had the pleasure of meeting Peter in person at Don’s Celebration and thanking him for Don’s smile on that day.
After their tour of Porto they came to Lisbon where I met them. Here are Don, Jerry and moi on the left at the fairy tale Palacio de Pena in magnificent Sintra, northwest of Lisbon.
And on the right their visit with me several years before when my husband and I embarked on a wild foray into hospitality with our bohemian Moorish style gallery and restaurant – Rios Negros.
Don and Jerry were wonderful guests wherever they went as well as being magnificently adept travelers – managing each with only a small backpack and carry-on, often for more than a month.
Well beyond Europe, Don and Jerry’s travels took them to Australia’s Gay Olympics, to Bali and several trips to Mexico
where they made another life-long friend in Puerto Vayarte. Gabo attended Don’s Celebration and graced us with one of
the most touching speeches of the day – sharing Don’s support of his battle with AIDS –
relating how Don would call him on breaks during his many rides to tell him to stay strong – that he was doing the ride for him.
His avid thrill seeking didn’t stop with his years in the Naval Airforce. He was a six time Gold Medal Cyclist at the 2002, 2006 and 2010
Gay Olympics, while raising thousands for
AIDS research in 16 California rides.
Here’s Mom, thrilled to meet Don along
the route of one of his rides.
But for me, my most cherished memories of Don are just hanging out with him and Jerry in their lovely home,
trimming their Christmas tree, clowning around with dear friend Obie,
making art,
Jerry’s Family
A highlight of Don’s Celebration was the presence of Jerry’s niece Jennifer Singer Grunfeld and her husband Ken who traveled from Pennsylvania to join us. Also present was Ken’s delightful Uncle Carl Grunfeld and his lovely wife Gay – a civil rights attorney. Carl – a neurologist at UCSF and the San Francisco VA – was a comforting presence throughout Don’s frequent visits to the VA during his illness. It was indeed wonderful to be with all of them.
And here’s Don on Jennifer’s wedding day with Jerry’s Aunt Rebecca Login Wiener and on the right another favourite photo of Don and Jerry with Jerry’s mother, Evelyn Longin Singer and his brother, David. Such fun to see Don under a yamaka.
But special acknowledgement goes to Jerry’s cousin, Diane, who because of illness, couldn’t be with us. Diane has been a powerful support for Jerry with her frequent calls from New Jersey throughout Don’s illness and after his passing. But over and above her tremendous support she was instrumental in saving Don’s life two years before his passing when through her uncanny long-distance clarity she caught a rare but crucial nursing mistake that no one else saw. Her sudden knowing gave us two more precious years with Don.
Don’s brother Dick gave an especially heartfelt toast during Don’s Celebration reminding us all that he alone had the distinction of knowing Don longer than anyone present. Eighteen months younger than Don, Dick was grateful for the good fortune to have Don’s gentle care during their early years in foster care. He related one of our fondest family stories: Dick didn’t begin speaking until nearly four years of age, but he would whisper what others only heard as gibberish in Don’s patient ear and Don who always understood what Dick wanted to say would translate.
As much as I have loved living in Portugal, I have deeply missed so many Christmas gatherings when I couldn’t make it home. But here are Don and Jerry with the whole Dodge clan sending me much welcome greetings.
Don and Jerry loved being uncles to Michelle, Krissy and Suzanne
and their children Emily, Andrew, Ryan, Matthew, Jake, Connor and Chloe.
And here we are – Mom’s 3D’s – having remained ferociously close as Mama Bear Bernice would have insisted – all despite being so different in so many ways. Dick a conservative entrepreneurial wizard, civil servant and patriarch of a growing three generation family. Don a brilliant cutting edge electrical engineer, pianist, cyclist and gay rights activist. And moi – a nomadic teacher, artist, writer, social idealist and self-appointed family historian.
For through it all we have shared so many things:
a deep pride and admiration for one another – as any good workaholic should,
a raucous down to earth sense of humour, and best of all
an exceptional talent for giving great hugs.
Don’s Final Chapter
Then came the heartbreak of 2019 when Don first got sick. We’re not sure what caused it but my guess is that in the midst of massive house renovations Don was courageously routing around under the house working on the wiring and I think he must have been exposed to some dreadful toxin. But whatever caused Don’s illness, he fought courageously, often through unbearable pain, for the next seven years to stay with us. His capacity to be joyful in the face of heartbreaking decline is so clearly shown here – on a fun walk through their neighbourhood, a delightful dinner with Obie, and the fabulous trip the four of us took around Lake Tahoe in October of 2024, fifteen months before his passing.
Don was a model patient at the San Francisco VA – deeply loved and admired by so many of the doctors and nurses who treated him. So much so that many of his nurses and doctors were there the moment he was taken off life support – arranging classical music to be playing. They then attended the VA’s beautiful memorial for him, presided over by the VA’s deeply compassionate chaplain, taps being played, his body covered with an American flag, which was then folded and presented to Jerry.
Several of these same nurses attended our celebration – with special thanks to Alexis, the head VA nurse – who was so deeply appreciated and loved by both Don and Jerry. Our celebration for Don gave me the great pleasure of meeting and hugging many of them. Here are some of their thoughts shared in the beautiful card they sent to Jerry.
From these messages you can glean some small sense of the magnitude of Jerry’s unwavering devoted care of Don –
a level of care for which so many of us have been and will continue to be both in awe and eternally grateful.
Here below is the last photo I took of Don in October of 2024, playing joyfully despite his illness, while Jerry lit Friday night candles.
